Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
