i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
