Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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