i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
