So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
