I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Your penis caused this!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
