Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
