youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
