you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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