my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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