Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
