Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I cannot find my penis.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
