Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
