i don't like sucking hair
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
