It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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