He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
