Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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