Just fell off a train. Bad.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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