it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
