Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
