I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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