Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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