I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
