What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
