FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize