i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
