When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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