You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
