she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i will never coherently bang her
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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