i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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