i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize