i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
