We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The beer is more important than you right now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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