Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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