forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
