Ambien. No doubt about it.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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