And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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