Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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