This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
