Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
