my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
