just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
