Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
