It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I didn't notice because vodka
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
