i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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