i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
