OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Its about making memories worth repressing
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
