Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
