ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
