i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
is it fun? or sober?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize