dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
