hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
