I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
