just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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