I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
