Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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