Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
