Just cropdusted the office
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
