im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize