I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Randomize
