So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
