Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The uberlube is also flammable
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