Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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