Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
