At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
