I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
