I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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