He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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